The Adoptive Mom Experience

Here at Choice Adoptions, we give our birth moms a lot of love. As we round out this month dedicated to celebrating all mothers, we want to extend that same love and appreciation to our adoptive moms. 

To better understand and honor the adoptive mom experience, I sent out a survey asking adoptive mothers to share what their journey has been like and what being an adoptive mom means to them. In this blog post, we’ll explore their responses, highlight common themes, and reflect on the shared experiences that shape adoptive motherhood.

A heartfelt thank you to all our Choice moms who took the time to respond. Your insights help educate our community and allow us to celebrate the beauty and depth of adoption together.

Motherhood

To begin, I asked the adoptive moms about motherhood in general and how they define it for themselves. Their responses were heartfelt and deeply personal, capturing the complexity and beauty of the role.

“Motherhood to me is my greatest adventure and the greatest blessing. Joyful, sacrificial, hard—learning new things daily about myself and them—and so precious all at the same time. My heart grew in ways I didn't know were possible.”

“Motherhood means being someone's safe space. Teaching my child how to navigate the world, comforting them when they fail, encouraging them in all they try, and loving them unconditionally.”

“Being able to help guide a child as they learn who they are—and loving them through the good, the bad, and everything in between.”

“Love. Pure and utter love.”

When asked about their favorite part of being a mom, many mentioned the joy of watching their children grow and learn. Seeing their children experience the world with curiosity and wonder brought deep fulfillment. One mom beautifully summed it up by saying her favorite part is “the spark in my heart when he wakes up and smiles at me.”

Adoption

While infertility was a common reason these women chose adoption, many also said it was something they had always felt called to, often from a young age, so adoption was already a familiar part of their world. When asked to describe their experience as adoptive mothers, their responses were filled with joy, gratitude, and honesty about the challenges.

Many shared that the early stages of adoption can feel emotionally overwhelming. Several respondents described initial fears about bonding with their child or knowing how to comfort them, especially in situations where the adoption happened quickly, without months of preparation. However, those early uncertainties often gave way to powerful moments of connection. One mom shared that “something amazing happens,” and suddenly the child looks to you as their comfort and safe place.

Adoptive moms also spoke to the deep emotional impact of being entrusted with a child by the birth parents, a responsibility that feels both weighty and sacred. While the joy of motherhood is central to their experience, some moms noted the ongoing emotional work of navigating their fertility journeys alongside adoption. One mother reflected on the unexpected biological and emotional changes she faced, even without giving birth, and the sudden life shift that occurs when a baby arrives with little warning (in the case of last minute placements).

Overall, the responses revealed that while adoption can be complex and emotionally layered, it is also described as “magical,” “beautiful,” and filled with a love as deep and real as any other path to parenthood.

“The best way I can explain it is: I never knew I had a hole in my heart until my son came along and filled it with complete joy.”

Stigmas and Misconceptions

Interestingly, when asked about stigmas, most adoptive moms focused not on themselves, but on the birth parents. They expressed frustration with how society often misrepresents the birth parents’ role and motivations. Rather than viewing them with respect and compassion, people often make assumptions like believing birth parents are always teenagers or that they “gave up” their child without thought or care. Adoptive moms emphasized that these assumptions ignore the love and difficult decisions involved in the adoption process.

They also spoke about stigmas that affect adoptive families and their children. Respondents pointed out that people can be suspicious of open adoptions or believe that adoptive parents should feel threatened by the birth family. Others shared frustration with comments such as who the child’s “real parents are” or that adopted children should feel “lucky,” implying that they are indebted to their adoptive family for “saving” them. These misconceptions not only diminish the adoptive parent-child bond but also oversimplify the emotional complexity of adoption.

Common misconceptions included:

• Assuming birth parents are always teenagers

• Believing adoptive families should feel “threatened” by birth parents

• Viewing open adoptions with suspicion

• Thinking adopted children are "lucky" to be adopted

• The idea that adoptive parents aren’t the child's “real” parents

“I am my kids’ real mom—and their bio mom is also their real mom.”

Advice for Future Adoptive Families

If you're considering adoption, here’s some heartfelt advice from those who’ve been there:

• Find community. Surround yourself with other adoptive families and adoptees.

• Prepare emotionally. Understand that your life can change in an instant—and be open to the unexpected.

• Honor both types of love. The love from a birth parent and the love of an adoptive parent can co-exist and enrich your child’s story.

“[Adoption] is a magical journey unlike anything else you will ever experience. If you haven’t lived it, it’s hard to explain—but once you do, you’ll never be the same.”

Let’s continue to celebrate and uplift all types of motherhood. Thank you again to our adoptive moms for sharing your hearts, your stories, and your love.

Interested in adoption through Choice? Learn more about our programs here.